I haven’t started back at work yet, not that emails, phone calls and a whole load of sub-conscious strategic thinking hasn’t been a major part of the last few days. How beautiful it was then, the 2 weeks before when there was a real sense of holiday…
Trains played a major part in my Christmas/New Year. Planes did not. (Quick invitation to a dinner in Heathrow at 7pm on Monday 12th January. Bring food and a flask). Ego and self, however, did.
I found myself in an established group of people, the stranger with a nervous bounce. When issues arose I found myself feeling the centre of the disturbance. To some – small – extent I was. In reality, I was simply the catalyst.
Catalyst: something that causes activity between two or more persons or forces without itself being affected.
My reaction was to let myself be affected. And – in my paranoid arrogance – to assume it was about me. Things happen. For some reason I find it hard not to visualise and place myself within a situation. It’s borne of some extreme sense of guilt. But it’s arrogant to do so.
And not particularly constructive.
However. Don’t the vast majority of theological writers and opinion makers act as catalysts? They may not take on quite so much personal offence, but their ideas create and often exacerbate tension without necessarily involving their own selves in the day-to-day subjective arguments. Their arrogance – were they to demonstrate it – would be misplaced within a theological context, surely?
I’m back on my commute on Friday. Least said.