the cheeky pint

The cheeky pint is a fluid concept depending on the external factors that affect it. In the last few years I have discovered these rules governing the ‘cheeky pint’:

1. A cheeky pint is not the same as ‘a cheeky pint’, and it is possible to recognise the inverted commas, even in conversation.

2. A cheeky pint exists in potentia, depending on whether someone utters the magic words.

3. The magic words are “I can only stay for one” or some variation thereof.

4. If the magic words are uttered, a cheeky pint (a quick pint before home) becomes ‘a cheeky pint’ (several pints more than one ever expected for a school night, usually in rounds, often followed by a stagger home and a painful morning).

5. ‘A cheeky pint’ in potentia ie. that period before the magic words are uttered and the first round has been bought, can always be prevented by its expectation. This can be represented by others offering to “join later” or individuals keeping Alka Selzer in their desk drawer.

6. This is not necessarily theological, but since any hardcore commuter knows the danger of ‘the cheeky pint’, it must necessarily be part of some kind of liturgy.

7. Surely?